The Sweetest Name

To my sweet Jane,
You've sure got the prettiest name
Better than Tina, May, or Elaine
Drops on my ears like rain
Rattles me like a freight train
Saying it ignites my inner flame. . .


What?!? Your name is Loofus?

I sure feel like a doofus!

Thrift Store

There's a world to explore inside a thrift store -
From snow skis, clock radios, a shell from the shore;
Puzzles galore though not always complete,
Playing soccer this year?  Then look for some cleats.
Shirts from the 80's, pants red in color,
There's a purse for your sister, cassette tape for brother.
Your mother would like that jacket with feathers;
Your father that straw hat for shade from the weather.
Pencil sharpeners, crutches, picture frames and toys,
Toys, toys, toys, for little girls and boys.
Lamps and love seats, overalls and shoes,
Fishing poles and dinner plates, a cookbook for stews.
Autographed picture of Richard Simmons,
Yellowed undergarments for both fellas and women.
Books upon the shelves reaching up to the ceiling,
If you're looking for specifics then stay through evening.
Wet suits, bow ties, softball uniforms,
Velvet portraits of rainbow unicorns.
Hockey pucks, tweezers, clown noses, and chairs,
ATARIS, fish tanks, and lots of cookware.
It's closing time now and not a thing in my cart,
Can't find what I want, well there's always Wal-Mart.

Ms. Verna Croft

Ms. Verna Croft was a little off;
She kept her socks in the bookcase
And her wine in the loft.
Every night she slept in the closet,
And kept her t.v. on the john,
When she had to go and potty,
She went out and sprayed the lawn.
Her clothes were folded neatly;
They were then placed on the stairs.
She walked up to get her nightgown,
Back down for her underwear.
She hung her pictures on the ceiling
And her fans were on the walls.
Her telephone was in the Frigidaire
So she could make cold calls.
She put her doorbell on the inside
And her carpet in the yard.
She put her cellar in the attic,
Which was really rather hard.
She parked her car in the kitchen,
Her remote control was in the sink.
Her daughter Clara Belle wore blue;
Her son Rufus P. wore pink.
She put Pepsi in her cereal
And ate her soup with a sock.
Her watch was on her nightstand
And on her wrist was a clock.

When she died she was buried

In a cemetery grave,

But climbed out to lay on top
And give all passerby's a wave.

"Head West Young Man"

Heard that saying years ago,
It inspired me I must say.
I grabbed my boots and packed a bag,
Then I was on my way.
I crossed my state of Alabama,
Crossed Mississippi too;
Louisiana came up next
And I trudged that ol' bayou.
I passed Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona,
Went all the way to the Pacific.
Couldn't stop 'cause I was headin' West,
And it sure felt terrific.
Grabbed a boat and paddled on,
Not sure where I was then -
Some distant land with stranger talk,
I just waved and grinned.
Stayed the course - kept headin' West
Over many waters and lands,
Westward back to Alabama -
Now I'm a happy man.