Christmas at the Commune

Santa travels once each year with gifts and deer and sleigh,
Stopping over a billion times all along the way.
But one stop he enjoys far more than most of all the others -
Is visiting the Black Bear Ranch and sharing with sisters and brothers.
He sheds his coat and hat and socks and hops on in the creek,
And blushes just a little bit at those who take a peek.
For clothes are just an option there and not a very good one,
Cause less is more at Black Bear Ranch so most the people wear none.
The girls sing Jingle Bells and other fitting songs;
The guys compare their beards with Santa cause his is very long.
Marshmallows are roasted 'round the fire as sparks fly in the air;
The peace pipe is passed a time or two - all are happy to share.
The night is filled with dancing and cool aid and smoke rings rising high;
They circle round the stars above and sway in the Christmas sky.
Soon morning comes and Santa bids them all a wondrous year,
Puts on his coat and hat and socks and wipes away his tears.
For it will be another year when he waves the communal branch,
On his return to see his friends at the wonderful Black Bear Ranch.

Bad Tradition

Aunt Loraine, who's quite insane,
Never returned from Memory Lane.
Her cat's named "Bulldog" her dog's named "Fish"
She makes a casserole called Petri Dish.

But those are small things compared to one,
Those things don't matter, they're kind of fun.
This is madness A La Mode,
Aunt gets festive with her commode.

She decorates it once a year,
To all but her it is quite queer.
At Christmas time she gets no tree,
No wreath, and no Nativity.

She takes her ornaments and lights
And hangs them round the pot of white -
The John, the Head, the porcelain bank;
It glows and shines from base to tank.

It's not so bad until that time,
After turkey, cornbread, dumplings, wine;
When tummies rumble and sweat begins,
And supper travels from mouths to ends.

The wires they tangle, the bulbs they burst;
If you have to sit then it's the worst.
The garland itches, the stars do poke,
The toilet paper sparks and smokes.

It's filled with Egg Nog in the bowl,
Above it hangs the mistletoe.
Around the base the presents lie,
When flushed it plays "Oh Holy Night."

And if you must go number two,
Saint Nicholas yells "Ho Ho Pew!"
No comic strips or magazines,
So please lay off the pork and beans!

Each year I swear will be my last
At Aunt Lorain's Ol' Christmas bash.