Work Work Work

Woke up this morning, went to work
Just like I do each day.
Sat at my desk and took a nap,
Some solitaire I played.
And then I texted all my friends,
Told them everything I'd done;
Which really wasn't very much,
And wasn't very fun.
Then I took a lunch break,
Had ham and cheese on white;
Ate a bag of Ruffles,
I also had a Sprite.
Back to work I went -
Checked email and had a snack;
Talked a bit about about the weekend
With Jim and Sue and Jack.

5:00 finally came,

Clocked out - got in my car;
I think I'll find another job,
This one seems too hard.

The Man With Really Bad Breath

I met a man the other day eating old sardines,
And pickled eggs and garlic cheese,
And moldy tangerines.

And cat food and dog food with just a bit of mayo,
With liver and beets,
And shriveled up potatoes.

He drank a glass of buttermilk and then a whiskey shot,
And soured tea and black coffee,

And liquor from the pot.

He said, "Hello, how do you do? My name is Harry Hyde."

My eyes did glaze, my legs got weak -

And then I fell and died.

Awful Job

Got a job with Bouncy Houses and first day at work,
They handed me a roll of tape and a Bouncy Houses shirt.
Climbed up in the bouncy house, it was filled up with air,
And lots of kiddies jumping 'round that didn't have a care.
Holes were happnin' everywhere from toenails and cleats,
And I was scootin' here and there trying to patch the leaks.
But every time a kiddie jumped I bounced up to the top,
Couldn't patch up one darn hole - I tried to make them stop.
They didn't listen, they just hopped
And hopped and hopped and hopped;
And on the ceiling my head bopped
And bopped and bopped and bopped!
Tape was sticking to my arms and hair and mouth and nose,
Just not where it was s'possed to stick, not patchin' up no holes.
Ralphed up my brunch and lunch and dinner, nothing left inside,
Left my tape and shirt and joined the unemployment line.

Writer's Block

I went downtown to the Writer's Block
And met some dear sweet friends,
Mr. Paper, Cousin Pencil,
And the Inky Twins.
We stood there on the corner
And talked of great ideas,
But nothing seemed to sound quite right,
Each idea would fizz.
We stood there for about a week
And nothing did we write.
So I left that place after a spell
And sit right here tonight.

No Time

Got no time no time at all
No time to think or drink or call
My mother, brother, or Auntie May
I've got no time no time today

No time not now
Can't fish or wish or even plow
Can barely breath on this here day
Don't even think to sit or play

No I can't help you with your dishes
I've got to go I only wish that
I had more time some time to talk
But I've got none can't even walk

Forget the party, dinner, and date
I've got no time you'll have to wait
Help with the kids no not right now
No time to mow or feed the cow

Please just know that I'm real busy
Before you get into a fizzy
I'd like to help but there's no way
My platter's full and I am late

I've got to go time's moving through
Just can't recall what I'm supposed to do