Showing posts with label Deep South. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deep South. Show all posts

Monday, November 5, 2012

Hearts of Dixie

I love this land of fields of green, of pines, and whitened sands,
I love this land of darker soil, of skin the sun has tanned.
Was gone awhile but I came back cause I am Alabam,
It's time to get back to our roots and prune the grafted damned.
The whitewashed tombs who hold the keys that Jesus threw away,
The brood of vipers spitting poison on our Alabama clay.
Get out your banjo, get out your fiddle, it's time to dance a jig,
It's time to plant a garden, and feed someone your pig.
Let's help the widows and orphans, let's feed the poor our best;
Let's take off this belt locked 'round our waist and shed this prided chest.
Grow some squash and grow some corn and plow up all your hate,
That's plowing up our freedom here in this Alabama state.
Porky Pig and piglet too, and Mickey Mouse's shout,
We think that we now own this land so kick the unwanted out.
Lest we forget we slaughtered those, the natives from before;
And cast them out while flinging rocks like the pharisees and whore.
Pocket your stones and pocket your hate and pocket your wocca-wocca;
Let's give the world a fresher vision; let's give the world a shock-a.
Elephants and donkeys and Joseph Smith's bros,
Our state is filled with those above, plus a few Latinos.
Let's pass out all the collards, the barbecue and bread,
And love our neighbors as ourselves just like Jesus said.


Friday, February 10, 2012

TO My Valin-Tine XOxOXoXXX

Ever since my eyes saw you
Thay've been crossed ever since.
Ever sense my lips kissed yores,
I've needed pepper-mints.
Ever cents my hand touched yores
It's been a wee bit smelly,
An' ever time I thank of you
My legs feel jest like jelly.

Yore my down home girl,
My butter bean!
My sweet pork Rine,
My dairy queen!
Yore teeth are crookid
Feet are bare,
Toenails dirty,
Stringy hare.
Skirts are red
Just like the clay,
Gal, I just want you -
TODAY!

You are my luv -
My valentyne!
I'd trade my hogs,
My mule, my swine;
Let's hop up on this truck'n dance,
Crank up tha engine - make rowmance!
I want to be yore future husband -
Not just yore favrite second cuzin!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

8 Maids a Milking

Wobbly knees and sweaty hands and
Swollen tongue, inflated glands and
Rapid heartbeat, taste buds bland
And world is spinning might crash land.

Eight maids a milking that one cow -
WOW! Not much room for that pow wow;
I almost fell off of my plow;
MEOW! MEOW! This should not be allowed!

OH POO! MY FACE IS TURNING BLUE!
CAN'T BREATH! CAN'T THINK - MY MIND IS GOO!
Must take a swig of Stew's home brew.
And smile and wave and pass on through.

But lo, they turned to wave, the burn,
My head's on fire, my chutter's burned
Disintegrating. . .where's an urn?
To place me in no more to yearn.

Eight maids a milking that one heifer,
A memory stored it's now a lifer.
Would love to make just one my wife or,
Two, or three, or four, or five.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Sweetest Name

To my sweet Jane,
You've sure got the prettiest name
Better than Tina, May, or Elaine
Drops on my ears like rain
Rattles me like a freight train
Saying it ignites my inner flame. . .


What?!? Your name is Loofus?
I sure feel like a doofus!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wad of Chaw

Ain't never seen the likes of Barry Paul
That boy from Hot Springs, Arkansas
Could hold a wad inside his jaw
'Twiced the size of Tatum's maw
He don't spit just lets it fall
Right down his chin and pants an' all
Never did see 'em without his chaw


Until the preacher got him thinkin'
So he gave up chewin'. . . but started drinkin'

Monday, February 21, 2011

CUSSER NO MORE!

My brother Ralphy Russer
Was quite the little cusser
Whether home or school or bus or
With his sister, aunts, or us, or. . .

He knew every bad word known to man
Like @#% or /&%#@ or *%#@ or *%&$
He even said +*%* to Uncle Sam
And *%^$ and *%&$ to Martha Ann

But now he doesn't cuss a bit
His rump is sore can't even sit
My Paw would have no more of it
What? Paw wants to see me, "OH $#}+!"

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Maw's Leg Stockings

Maw Jane was very plain
She wore a white moo-moo
She also wore a bonnet
And old tattered scuffed-up shoes

Her skin was pale from head to toe
Her hair up in a bun
The only bit of color
Was a red neck from the sun

Maw Jane got no attention
Until that Christmas morn
She tripped her skirts flew o're her head
Was like lookin' at Amish porn

No words can describe the looks
Nothing's ever been so shocking
Maw Jane had kept a secret
She wore pink and green striped stockings