Slappy Jack

Slappy Jack that danged ol' timer
Bought hisself a weimaraner
Dog could bark a swell one-liner
Swooned my gal. . . . .

Now they're in Caroliner

No Time

Got no time no time at all
No time to think or drink or call
My mother, brother, or Auntie May
I've got no time no time today

No time not now
Can't fish or wish or even plow
Can barely breath on this here day
Don't even think to sit or play

No I can't help you with your dishes
I've got to go I only wish that
I had more time some time to talk
But I've got none can't even walk

Forget the party, dinner, and date
I've got no time you'll have to wait
Help with the kids no not right now
No time to mow or feed the cow

Please just know that I'm real busy
Before you get into a fizzy
I'd like to help but there's no way
My platter's full and I am late

I've got to go time's moving through
Just can't recall what I'm supposed to do

It's Cold Outside

It's cold outside

Much colder than Tuesday

It's colder than Wednesday

Wouldn't you say?

It's colder than Thursday

The day that it snowed

Colder than Friday

That's it I'm sold!

It's colder than Saturday or Sunday or France

Oh wait just a sec - - - I forgot my pants!

Googly Eyes

Yes, I was blessed with googly eyes

But I can't look where I please

I was blessed with googly eyes
And they hang down to my knees

I turn to the right
And they swing way around
I try and look up
But I always look down
Don't ask me to look you straight in the eyes
Unless your lying on the ground

I only see birds when they're pecking for worms
And I only see clouds through reflections
If I could change one thing bout myself
I think I'd make just one correction
My feet seem just a bit too big
And I want to make good first impressions

The In-Laws

Thanksgiving again it's always the same
We go to the in-laws there's thousands of names
Family's so big just can't quite remember
Everyones' name seen once in November

There's David and Angela and maybe a Sue
I think there's a Mark and a Mac or two
Reid and Mimi and Trisha and Rob
Jeff and Jack but no one named Bob

There's Jan and Tommy, Lynn and Josh
So many names to remember "Oh Gosh!"
Lynnlee and Alan and Pam and a Meg
It hurts in my brain way down to my leg

There's Casie and Molly and Chad and a Ben?
Oh just forget it! I'll skip Thanksgiving again.

WAWMIW (what a weird morning it was)

Woke up this morning and something was weird
Scratched my nose but it was my ear
Screamed out loud but then was shocked
It seemed my voice came from my sock
Jumped out of bed so I could run
But my feet were now attached to my buns
Slapped myself in the face to wake
But slapped my belly and now it ached
Opened my eyes to answer some questions
But looked right at my large intestines
Toes on my face and teeth on my hips
Tongue where my thumb should be eyelids on lips
Heart on the outside right next to my lap
Hair must be inside still searching for that
Not much to do with your knees on your head
So I just went right back to bed

Fishwishin'

Sometimes I wish I was a fish
But then I remember how some fish become the main dish
And then I no longer wish to be a fish

The Big Z

I tried to pay attention in class today
But a rather large Z dropped on my head and wouldn't go away

Halloweenies

I like tatered chips I do
And I like pork and beanies
But there ain't nothing quite so good
As those scrumptious halloweenies
Only found but once a year on October thirty one
They quietly come out of hiding after the setting of the sun
But one thing you should know right now before you roast a few
If you don't chomp them down real quick
Then they will chomp on you

Fliggle Flaggle Flola

Fliggle Flaggle Flolas
Just drank 12 Coca Colas
Squiggle Squaggle Squelch
You should have heard me belch

Thoughts about Death

If I could choose a way to die
It wouldn't be drowning
Or burning - that sounds really bad
I don't think I would want my head chopped off either
Nor do I want to get shot with a cannon or bitten by a cobra or eaten by an elephant

I'll have to think about it a little more - maybe forever

Future Self

Saw myself in the future yesterday
Didn't know what to say
So I asked myself what I would want to be asked if it was me instead of myself asking the question -

I think I would just ask him what he would say

Drat Voice

Drat voice won't let me be
Like a nagging skeeter or fastidious flea

"STOP TALKING TO ME!"

I'm Trying to write can't you see

My Pants

My pants are too big
Keep on falling to my toes
Maybe I'll just walk on my hands
And keep them down around my nose

Harvey the Dragon

Harvey the dragon despised his birthdays
His wishes never came true
Year after year it was exactly the same
His friends would sing "Happy Birthday to You!"
When time to blow out the candles came
Harvey would make his wish
And blow as hard as his lungs would allow
And burn both the cake and the dish

Troll Booth

Pay the toll or troll then go but neither is cheap
We need a helicopter, a boat, or maybe a Jeep
To get around this ol' bridge I haven't a hunch
We'll either lose our wallet - or be lunch

A Poem

If I were to write a poem for you I'd make it very long -
But if you think this poem's for you then you are very wrong

ROONERSPISMS

Rindercella farried a mella
And Binkertell dever nid
Beeping Sleauty sneemed a bit sooty
While Crichabod Ane lopped his drid
So fether your whand of Binkertell or think Crichabod Ane's a scit bary
Thot one of nem knew everly happiler after except the proo tincesses mat tharied

Safari Jacky

Safari Jacky is a little wacky and at times a bit confused
She travels east and she travels west and all in green elf shoes
She carries no weapons only a spoon which hangs upon her belt
She used to carry a bottle of bubbles she blew but then they spilled
Safari Jacky wears a top hat with a squirrel and bird underneath
She also carries a large toothbrush with one swipe can brush all her teeth
She loves to sing and clap her hands and she sleeps with a large lock of hair

So if you see her exploring near you . . . Be careful and please don't stare