Expired Cowboy

Them buzzards been circlin' fer days,
Sure wish they'd be on their way.
Been lyin' here gazin' up,
Just wonderin' who's their sup?
Tried tossin' up some rocks,

But my arms they must be locked.

Tried screamin' and a yellin',

But my voice it must be failin'.

Tried to just git up and scoot,

But my legs ain't worth a toot.

My toes are numb, my ears don't work,

My mouth is dry but nothin' hurts.

So why are these buzzards circlin' my head?

Oh wait just a sec, that's right - I'm dead!

One Big Booger

Nose was plugged one early morn
So I shoved my finger in.
Pulled a slimy substance out,
Was yellowy and thin.
Pulled and then an eyeball came,
Some teeth I counted ten.
Pulled my veins and liver too,
And muscles from my shin.
Pulled a bone looked like a clavicle,
Then some cartilage came.
Hard to pull that ol' patella,
I had to really strain.
Pancreas, femur, ulna,
Feeling kind of woozy. . .
Pulled my heart and brain out -
Bluhhh

Where'd Granny Go?

I asked Maw where Granny went,
She said, "She'd done retired."
"She's been outta work fer years," I said.
"And hadn't she been fired?"
"You don't hear me right" maw said,
"Ol' Granny's kicked the can."
"You mean the one that Paw spits In?"
"No wonder the carpet's tanned!"
She said, "Ol' Granny's restin' now."
I said, "Go wake her up!"
"My stomach's growlin' mighty loud,
She needs to fix my sup!"
Maw said, "No Granny's left us now,
God's fiery chariots have come."
I said, "I bet her fanny's hot,
We'll have to ice her bum."
Maw said, "She won't be comin' back,
She's gone to be with her LORD."
"He'd better have a TV!
Cause Wheel of Fortune's at 4!"

I don't think my maw really knows the whereabouts of Granny
But I sure know where she ain't-
And that's in Alabamy!

Thoughts about Death

If I could choose a way to die
It wouldn't be drowning
Or burning - that sounds really bad
I don't think I would want my head chopped off either
Nor do I want to get shot with a cannon or bitten by a cobra or eaten by an elephant

I'll have to think about it a little more - maybe forever