Trans-Parent-sies

Your Maw and Paw check up they do
They phone and text and keep up with you

But mine just follow when they please

You see I've got trans-parent-sies

Can't cuss or spit or round the bases

Can't goof, can't fight, or go to races

Don't ever know when Paw's behind

Maw stalks and sneaks and she don't mind

They're quiet like owls or mice or ants
Can't see their heads or shirts or pants
They just follow when they please

Can't see my own trans-parent-sies

Tried sneakin' out, tried mucha' pleadin'

Tried telling them space is what I'm needin'

But they don't care they like to follow

And in my business they do wallow

So no dances, parties, "Oh wretched fate!"

It's once again to bed at eight.

Where'd Granny Go?

I asked Maw where Granny went,
She said, "She'd done retired."
"She's been outta work fer years," I said.
"And hadn't she been fired?"
"You don't hear me right" maw said,
"Ol' Granny's kicked the can."
"You mean the one that Paw spits In?"
"No wonder the carpet's tanned!"
She said, "Ol' Granny's restin' now."
I said, "Go wake her up!"
"My stomach's growlin' mighty loud,
She needs to fix my sup!"
Maw said, "No Granny's left us now,
God's fiery chariots have come."
I said, "I bet her fanny's hot,
We'll have to ice her bum."
Maw said, "She won't be comin' back,
She's gone to be with her LORD."
"He'd better have a TV!
Cause Wheel of Fortune's at 4!"

I don't think my maw really knows the whereabouts of Granny
But I sure know where she ain't-
And that's in Alabamy!