Trans-Parent-sies

Your Maw and Paw check up they do
They phone and text and keep up with you

But mine just follow when they please

You see I've got trans-parent-sies

Can't cuss or spit or round the bases

Can't goof, can't fight, or go to races

Don't ever know when Paw's behind

Maw stalks and sneaks and she don't mind

They're quiet like owls or mice or ants
Can't see their heads or shirts or pants
They just follow when they please

Can't see my own trans-parent-sies

Tried sneakin' out, tried mucha' pleadin'

Tried telling them space is what I'm needin'

But they don't care they like to follow

And in my business they do wallow

So no dances, parties, "Oh wretched fate!"

It's once again to bed at eight.

Bicycle Built for Who?

My dad bought me a bicycle
When I was only eight.
Came in a box with directions,
But he threw them all away.

So he put the bike together

Seventeen different times,

And now instead of riding my bike,

I'm sitting writing rhymes.

Glass of Whine

At the end of each day
After the bills have been paid
And 35 diapers I've changed
And the neighbors came over
And four hours they stayed
And the boss had been bossy
My spaghetti too saucy
And the dentist said
My only hope is to flossy
And the kids had been loud
And my wife had been louder
And my sister had phoned
And she sure is a shouter
And my nose had been runny
And my jokes were not funny
And if all those grey clouds were gone
Itta been sunny

Now the day is all done
And to help me feel fine
I'm gonna have myself
A tall glass of whine

Toothpaste Monster

In the eve when all is hushed
And eyelids tightly shut
A creature tips into the room
Where children's teeth are brushed

He finds the toothpaste clean and stored
Just the way Mom asked
Unscrews the top and squeezes tight
Then eerily he laughs

He rubs the paste all round the sink
And smears it on the door
Then puts some globs on moms nice towels
And drops some on the floor

Then he waits that sneaky devil
He waits inside the hamper
He waits till morn for you and me
He waits to hear feet scamper

Then his ears perk up a bit
The verdict Mom will state
She'll falsely blame both you and me
For the mess of the toothpaste

Martha May Pettigrew Marilyn Spate

Please!  Oh please!  I just can't wait!
Said Martha May Pettigrew Marilyn Spate
Just one little present the smallest I see
Just one little gift wrapped under the tree
I won't ask again no peep you will hear
Until Christmas morn I've waited all year
I'll wash all the dishes I'll fold all the clothes
I'll change baby's diaper I'll wipe Johnny's nose

I'll clean my room daily until I am old

Take out all the garbage I'll scrub all the mold

Sweep both the kitchen and bathroom five times

I'll mop all the hardwoods until they all shine

Take Spot for a walk three times everyday

When baby gets fussy I'll take him to play

I'll pick up the toys I'll vacuum and dust

I'll eat all my dinner including bread crust

I'll clean out the fridge your pillows I'll fluff

I'll shovel the snow the car I will buff

I'll eat all the turnips you put on my plate

And then said Martha May Pettigrew Marilyn Spate

On second thought, I think I can wait.

Safari Jacky

Safari Jacky is a little wacky and at times a bit confused
She travels east and she travels west and all in green elf shoes
She carries no weapons only a spoon which hangs upon her belt
She used to carry a bottle of bubbles she blew but then they spilled
Safari Jacky wears a top hat with a squirrel and bird underneath
She also carries a large toothbrush with one swipe can brush all her teeth
She loves to sing and clap her hands and she sleeps with a large lock of hair

So if you see her exploring near you . . . Be careful and please don't stare

Momma Said

Momma said there's no such thing
as aliens or boogie men
No leprechauns, ghouls, or gnomes
no unicorns or big gargoyles
I'm not to believe in anything
like werewolves, satyrs, or fairy beings
There's never been fiery dragons
or hobbits like one Bilbo Baggins
No sirens, pixies, or Santa Clause
no don't believe in him at all
The Loch Ness monster is just a lie
just like that Pegasus in the sky
But Mommas gone no more to toil
for she was eaten by a troll